Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Times Now

It's been a while since Test-1, and you might have already received your instant-scholastic-karma- points, a.k.a., answer sheets; helping you to thoroughly analyze and introspect your presently poor performance, and chalk out an action plan for your academic improvement, which roughly translates to: "Next sem fodenge!"

Then again, it'd be lame to worry about trivial things like T-1, when many amusing events so eagerly await us. Yes! You got it! I'm talking about our very own desi Hugh Hefner, Asaram Bapu, and his bail plea hearing on October 1st, when we'd, once again, get to hear his badass(hole) lawyer, Jethmalani's scientific breakthroughs, in defense of Bapu's innocent escapades. Like the last time, when he accused the victim of being afflicted with a disease 'that draws a woman to a man'. (On an unrelated note, it'd be really interesting if he had hypothesized that disease to be bacterial and working the other way round. In other words, Delhi would have one more microorganism named after it.)

But, who knows? This time, he might just blame it all on the ominous title 'Bapu', that already has this evil reputation of, first elevating the designated person to an improbably high spiritual pedestal, then throwing him down eventually, head-first, into a muck of weird sexual allegations.

Gandhi jokes apart, we also have Zephyr, sometime in future, yeah, that 'inter-house drama competition in school' equivalent of our college. Because, remember how half of those houses didn't give a do kaudi ka damn about the event, preferring to just fool around on stage, while the remaining half fought it out with abundant amounts of over-action, only to win a not-so-noteworthy prize? It's the same here; except, the hostels, and not houses, are the ones competing, and the hostels actually are our houses. But then, we never had any expectations from Zephyr, given its annoying habit of not going international like the rest of our fests, which reportedly go. But, yeah it can time-travel.

And don't even start about the comedy night. For, until my "SWD Dues" shows- Rs <what are you staring at, you penniless nincompoop?>  I'll rather choose to watch Dhoom 3 teaser again and again, laughing hysterically each time, till I slowly get sucked into Abhishek's aura of theatrical autism and disappear; than pay Rs 100 to hear two comedians cracking some silly jokes on... I don't know. I'll just keep my money.

Or I can just indulge myself in Twitter, and find out some totally valid reasons for why Miss America is like the PR head of Al Qaeda. And also realize that, it's actually legitimate to mistake Indians as Arabs, considering how we have exported an entire state to Dubai.

(But yes, it surely does seem fishy how this geeky gulti, who once won the National Honor Society Award, Michigan Merit Award and various other nerd honors, decided to stop wearing glasses one fine day, and turned glamorous overnight. I mean, what does she even think she is? Deepika from YJHD? And meanwhile, the US government might have been too excited for saving at least one software job from an N.R.(South)I., to notice this oddity. No, just saying.)

Or, I can opt to not degrade my already weak geography, and continue watching a 1000 different reviews of GTA-V, where you can apparently play Miley, and paraglide off a skyscraper, twerk against a grenade-launcher midair, ultimately land on an SUV of some black drug lord, distract him with the GOPLAYSOMEBASKETBALLNOW cheat, then steal a bike, go to a bar run by an over-the-top-brownish Indian, and peacefully order a hammer tikka masala, after killing a hooker obviously.    

But of course, all these choices have been thought of, assuming I'll have no work this weekend. Which won't be the case, if the Prof who first gave me a Project, and then, conveniently forgot my existence, suddenly remembers about the piling deadlines.

So, to quickly and dramatically conclude, it's a tough job to be a III-yearite, especially when you still are as clueless as ever, with the subjects taking mysterious twists and turns and the lectures sounding like Pitbull's songs- understandable up to the second line, all Greek and Spanish thereafter. But all we can do is pretend and act like everything is normal, with optimistic and positive thoughts. Like how you can soon save a '100 bucks'. If you want to, that is.